Saying it all

On Thursday I had a number of conversations with people at work and teaching candidates overseas that had me thinking about the way people explain things to one another. A China spring windburst that almost knocked me off my bike on the way home seemed to jostle something loose: the more I try to explain a project or position completely and fully to someone, the more questions that seem to arise. How could providing details only beget request for more details? By including more details of my selection, I take the person I'm talking to down a more and more specific path that gets people wondering about the choices that have led us to that place. This can be particularly complicated in the context of a sale or negotiation, whether its in business or social life. It's not just in these situations: when recollecting an anecdote, or giving driving directions, at some point there are diminishing marginal returns on increasing information. There's the decreasing value that you're adding with additional details, but why can't more be more? As one tries to approach perfect description, or perfect directions, or the perfect pitch, the further and further you get away from these things. For talkers, there seems to be a kind of pride involved in thinking that you can approach with language all the complexities of any situation, when in fact, conversations are much more complicated and more fun because the other person needs space to discover some elements without your interference. The other implication is that language has expressive powers beyond what we appreciate, that words have valences and innuendos and contexts that we need to let breathe.