CONTRADICTION: Manners

Confucian codes or morals and behavior are stringent on the way one is supposed to treat foreigners. I was part of Beijing-based event recently whose motto, "不亦乐乎," is based on the Confucian phrase, "有朋子远方来，不亦乐乎" translating as something like, "isn't it a pleasure when friends visit from afar." As I see it, this is interpreted by most Chinese as seriously rolling out the red carpet when they have visitors: whether it's a foreigner from outside China, or a distant family member or traveler passing through, it's not uncommon to see someone give up their own bed and sleep on the floor while you get to crash in the most comfy place available. Once you've entered into a relationship with someone--be it in business as a client, as a guest, as a friend--there are these very intricate, highly developed rituals of how you're supposed to defer to, give way to, and help out one another.

Lacking any kind of relationship with someone, however, seems to make these rituals and cultural prescriptions moot. On sidewalks, on subways, in other public places, some people display what appears to a foreigner as a frightening lack of consideration for strangers. As Hilary Spurling quotes of Pearl S. Buck, "the Chinese can appear to be thoughtful in big ways, but not as thoughtful in smaller ways." People spit while walking in front of you, jostle you sometimes necessarily sometimes not necessarily in getting on and off the subway, parents sometimes let infant children crap and pee right on the sidewalk, or even inside public areas. I emphasize some people, as increasingly cosmopolitan Beijingers are starting to scoff more and more at this stuff, but it's still pervasive enough that it will be one of the most striking things most notice about China as new arrivals. I couldn't believe, in trying to get on the elevator a moment ago, an elderly man made eye contact with me as I was inputting the door code in the lobby, then as I was coming through the door the elevator was already closed and going up. At the end of the day, none of these little annoyances are a big deal individually, but they compile to produce an everything-stinks "China day" every once in a while.